Servant leadership is about putting others first, focusing on their growth and well-being before your own personal success. However, one of the most difficult aspects of servant leadership is showing respect to everyone, regardless of how they treat you.
Respect is a Reflection of Your Character
It’s easy to respect someone who’s earned it, but what about those who disrespect you, show incompetence, or seem unworthy of your courtesy? That’s where servant leadership becomes truly challenging, and frankly, that’s where it becomes most powerful.
Showing respect to those who haven’t “earned” it doesn’t mean you’re weak or letting them walk all over you. Quite the opposite, in fact. It demonstrates that you’re leading from a place of strength. When you make the decision to treat someone with dignity despite their actions, you’re making a clear statement: Your behavior doesn’t dictate mine. I lead from my principles, not from your words or actions.
This is where respect transcends the transactional. Meaning, you’re no longer in the game of “I’ll respect you if you respect me.” Instead, you’re living by the belief that respect is given because of who you are, not because of what others have done to “deserve” it.
Why This Matters
Employees may fall short of expectations, coworkers might undermine your efforts, and customers could seem ungrateful. In these moments, your instinct may drive you to be rude, angry, or create a miserable work environment in hopes that they will leave and never come back. However, as a servant leader, it’s crucial to rise above that.
Demonstrating respect in tough situations does several key things:
- Builds trust: When you’re respectful, even when it’s difficult, others will notice. It creates a safe space where people feel valued and seen, and that builds trust. People are more likely to follow a leader they trust than one who only shows respect to the high-performers or those in positions of authority.
- Set the tone for the culture: If you want an organization where people treat each other with dignity, where kindness and collaboration thrive, it starts with you. When you model respect, you give other people permission, and a reason, to do the same.
- Strengthens your own integrity: Every time you choose respect, you’re reaffirming your commitment to your personal values. And in leadership, integrity is one of your most valuable assets. People may forget what you did or said, but they’ll remember how you treated them in moments of difficulty.
The Challenge
Let’s be clear, being respectful to someone who hasn’t earned it doesn’t mean you have to tolerate bad behavior, incompetence, or disrespect. Servant leadership is not about being a pushover. There’s a difference between respecting someone’s inherent worth as a person and enabling their negative actions.
As a leader, it’s your job to set boundaries, hold people accountable, and ensure that actions have consequences. But you can do all of that without demeaning, belittling, or disrespecting the person. Firmness doesn’t require cruelty, and correction doesn’t demand contempt.
This Creates A Legacy
Ultimately, your leadership legacy won’t be built on the projects you completed or the profits you generated. It will be built on how you treat people, especially when the going gets tough. Servant leadership asks you to step beyond ego, beyond pride, and even beyond the transactional nature of respect.
When you lead with respect, not because others deserve it, but because you’re committed to being a person of integrity, you leave a legacy of strength, compassion, and unwavering character. That’s the true mark of a servant leader.
So, the next time you’re faced with someone who doesn’t seem “deserving” of your respect, remember that it’s not about them. This is about you being the kind of leader, and person, you want to be. Choose respect, and you’ll find that it reflects your character far more than theirs.
– Philip Douthett